Advice
by I am a Dragon. No seriously
Summary: Christian seeks Dimitri out for some advice, but Dimitri isn't very willing to share after he learns what the topic is.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! Well, I've been reading Fanfiction for quite some time now, but until today I've never actually written any. Yay for me! I know this is kind of short, but I wrote this in under an hour and got excited to post it! I hope you like it!**

 **In case you didn't know, I don't own Vampire Academy. Sorry folks!**

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Christian had no idea why he was doing this. Dimitri was going to kill him for it, too. Hell, he might not have the chance if Lissa found out about it, or Rose for that matter… Well, either way if he was going to die it might as well be like this.

His hands began to clam up and he lifted his arm to knock on the door, just as Dimitri himself opened the door to his apartment.

Any shock that might've been on Dimitri's face was covered up by his guardian mask. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Dimitri invited him inside.

"Sorry, I just needed to talk to a dude about this," said Christian.

Dimitri blinked, "Alright. Do you want me to break out the ice cream or are you fine with just a _manly_ talk?"

Christian's face turned an ugly shade of red. He should not be doing this. No, he should leave _now_. He began mumbling something incoherent that sounded slightly like an apology and turned around to grasp the doorknob in his hand.

Just as he was about to turn the handle, Dimitri's hand landed on his shoulder, "Christian, I'm just kidding. Are you alright?" Christian still couldn't form sentences. He shook his head. Dimitri's eyebrows scrunched together and his head tilted to one side, wondering what on Earth could have shaken the royal moroi so badly. He motioned for Christian to sit on the couch and went to get some hot chocolate for the two of them.

When he walked back into the living room with their hot chocolate, Christian seemed much less out of sorts than he had when Dimitri had opened the door. Dimitri was supposed to be on guard duty, with Rose, but he called Hans and told him about his charge suddenly appearing at his and Rose's apartment that afternoon. Hans hadn't been happy to be understaffed since so many royals were visiting this time of year, but reluctantly let him off.

Dimitri handed Christian his hot chocolate and watched as the moroi drank a large gulp of the burning liquid before asking him why he was here.

Dimitri noticed Christian's hands clenching the mug tightly and set down his own mug onto the coffee table, waiting.

Christian blew out a breath, "This is kind of awkward to talk about." He also placed his cup beside Dimitri's and ran his hands down his face. How was he supposed to explain this? This was Dimitri and he knew that his guardian was very _particular_ on what he told about his private life.

Dimitri slowly nodded several times, "What kind of awkward are we talking about?"

"Very awkward." Christian said.

Dimitri mumbled, "Wonderful," before looking back at Christian, "Well, since you walked all the way over here you might as well tell me."

Christian deflated hearing this. In the back of his mind, he was hoping that Dimitri might just let him go without having to explain his issue. It wasn't that far of a hope. Dimitri was famous for shutting down awkward situations, most of the time he would just walk away, especially when the conversation had to deal with him.

Christian hung his head before muttering, "I'm having problems in the er… sex department."

If Christian had been looking at the dhampir, he would have seen his jaw drop to the floor, his eyes widening in the realization of _exactly_ what kind of awkward Christian was talking about, "Christian, I- I'm not- What do you need me for?" Dimitri stood up and began to pace. Running a hand through his hair, he turned back to the moroi, whose head was staring towards the floor, "Well?"

Christian tilted his head up to Dimitri, "I just wanted to know how you and Rose keep it _interesting_."

Dimitri's mind was blown. Christian came to talk to him about sex. Was the world ending? Was he hallucinating? Or was Christian really that desperate that he was asking Dimitri for sex advice?

Christian continued, "It's just that Liss and I haven't been, you know, as into it as we used to be and you and Rose always seem to have this tension. How do you keep it from getting boring?"

He had to be hallucinating.

"Not that sex with Liss is boring! I just want it to be more fun for the both of us."

He had to. Christian would never…

"Maybe you could just give me some pointers or tips."

But, he was. He was talking to his own guardian about his sex life.

"Dimitri?"

He was doomed.

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 **Yeah... This was short...**

 **BUT if you guys like my wonderful little chapter :) I'll post more!**

 **And you should go comment, like right now.**

 **Tell me what you think, what you like, what you don't like, how your day was, if you're secretly a dragon, if you know a certain Dimitri Belikov, anything at all really!**

 **Thanks!**

 **OH! FYI! I'm Holly!**

 **-Holly**


	2. Chapter 2

Christian glanced at Dimitri. The guardian was frozen. He stood in the middle of the room with a stupid look on his face. Christian knew that he shouldn't have asked, but he really was curious as to how Rose and Dimitri could be attached at the hip all hours of the day and still have energy for their bedroom. After a long day, Christian was fonder of collapsing on his bed and going to sleep than having sex.

Dimitri's mask had all but disintegrated from his features. He was wide eyed, staring at Christian as if he had grown a separate head protruding from the side of his neck. Any part of him that resembled his badass guardian persona was completely thrown through the window. Christian thought that Dimitri looked more like a panicky fifteen year-old than the godly twenty six year old that stood before him.

"Dimitri?" Still no answer. At this rate, it would be easier to just set the room on fire than to keep up this conversation, but he didn't think Dimitri would like that, not that either of them were enjoying themselves now, "Dimitri?" He kept saying his name over and over hoping the guardian would shake himself out of his daydream.

Christian rubbed his temple, "Rose is going to kill me. I broke Dimitri!"

The sound of his name must have jerked Dimitri awake because the moment Dimitri's name left Christian's lips Dimitri flopped down onto the pushy couch and sunk into the cushions, "I'm not broken. I'm traumatized. There's a distinct difference, believe me," he said.

"So, I guess that means you aren't going to help me out?"

"You're damn right I'm not! I don't even have the time to help you with all of the preparations going into the Winter Ball. I'm already swamped as it is and now I have to worry about new arrivals coming in the next few weeks. Hans almost had my ass on a platter when I called to tell him I wasn't coming in." Dimitri said.

The two of them sat in silence, neither of them wanting to continue with this discussion.

After a few minutes, Christian drank the remaining lukewarm hot chocolate still sitting on the coffee table. He mumbled to Dimitri that he was going to leave and walked over to the door. Before actually opening the door, however, he turned back to Dimitri, "Can we pretend this never happened?"

Dimitri's eyes were glued to the wall across from his position on the couch, without even turning his head he said, "Yes, yes we can." Christian left.

Dimitri was still sitting there when Rose opened the door two hours later.

Rose smiled when he saw him, "Hey, comrade!" She pranced over to him, sat down gingerly onto his lap, and nuzzled her face into his neck, breathing him in, "I missed you at work. Hans said that Christian needed your help with something when I asked him. Is everything okay?"

Dimitri took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around her slender waist, "Everything is fine, Roza. Christian just wanted me to give him some pointers for some… ballroom dancing, since the ball is coming up." His hands ran up her shirt to caress the soft skin of her back.

Her eyebrows shot up, "Really? Sparky kept you away from work for something as stupid as dance lessons? Huh, I never pegged Firecrotch as the type to care about _anything_ that had to do with royal balls, let alone dancing. Was that the only reason?"

"Yup, just that, I think he wants to impress Lissa with some new moves," said Dimitri.

"Are you going to teach him your moves?"

"I don't think I should. It wouldn't end well for either of us if I did."

Rose hummed in agreement into his neck, running her nose against his warm skin. Planting kisses up his neck and jaw, moving up towards his ears before grasping the lobe between her teeth. She giggled, "Well, we could go practice some _moves_ right now, if Guardian Belikov is up to it?"

"Yes, please." He grabbed her legs in his large hands, heading into their bedroom.

The curtains were still pulled over the windows from this morning, giving off a softer, dull lighting. Dimitri managed to get both himself and Rose onto their bed. Kisses were exchanged and at some point Dimitri's shirt was tossed over his head by a very impatient Rose Hathaway.

She began to tug on his jeans, "Is Comrade awake down there, Guardian Belikov?"

"He better be. He's on duty." Rose giggled and Dimitri pinned her underneath him. She struggled to pull her arms free, "C'mon Roza, break free."

"I can't! You're too big!"

"Wow, Roza, I'm flattered."

She growled at him, "Why don't you suck it up and teach Christian how to fuck then?"

Dimitri's eyes widened, "What- What did you say?" How could Rose have known about Christian's ulterior motive to coming over this afternoon? Earlier, she seemed to believe the lie he had told about Christian wanting dance lessons. How could she know?

"I said, why don't you suck it up and fuck me then?"

What was going on? His mind must still be fried from earlier… He bent his head down, any earlier hesitation gone, his voice went soft, "Why don't you break out of my hold then?" He placed a kiss on her lips.

"Because you refuse to help Christian get off!" Rose spat at him.

"Roza, what did you say?" Dimitri was so confused. He couldn't even focus on pleasuring Roza when all his thoughts went back to the awkward sex conversation that almost happened between him and Christian.

"What are you getting old, Belikov? I said, 'You refuse to get off!' Dimitri, this isn't fun if you don't pay attention. I feel like I'm having sex with a sixty year old. What? Whadja say?"

"I'm sorry, Roza. I'm just not focused right now," said Dimitri.

Rose huffed and pushed Dimitri off of her, "When you actually want to be present the next you want to have sex, let me know. I'm going to shower. Go start dinner, I'll be out soon." She turned on her heel and stormed into the bathroom, leaving Dimitri alone.

"I hope I never have to go through that again," Dimitri said as he started to work on their dinner.

When it happened again the next night was when Dimitri decided that he needed to help Christian. Not only to improve Lissa and Christian's love life, but to save his own from going down the drain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for your reviews and I appreciate every single one of them :)** **I don't have a lot of time at the moment to update as often for the next week and a half (ugh midterms) but afterwards I'll have a little more time on my hands.**

 **Now, some of you might be confused by this chapter, BUT I do have a plan. You have to remember this is DIMITRI we are talking about and how he goes about this might not seem like he's actually going to give Christian any REAL ADVICE. Needless to say, my plan is to start small and work up to some of the… more fun stuff. (That's how I think Dimitri would, too.)**

 **Okay, ONTO THE CHAPTER!**

 **(I don't own Vampire Academy… sadly.)**

"What are we doing here again?" Christian tapped his fingers against the countertop as Dimitri pulled out some cilantro and cyan pepper from the cupboard. Dimitri was supposed to be showing him how to spice up his love life, but it seemed like he was more interested in spicing up the dinner he was going to cook for them and their girlfriends later that evening.

It was date night. Rose and Lissa started to arrange times when the four of them would have dinner together as a double date sort of thing. Lissa said it was to catch up on how everyone was doing for the week, even though the group spent almost all of their time together.

Christian could picture Lissa with her hands on her hips telling him, "It's the principle. We never get to talk to Rose and Dimitri when they're on duty anyway." He remembered how he had rolled his eyes, but hadn't questioned his love any farther.

"I told you. If you want to please a woman, then you have to know how to _please_ a woman." Dimitri's head vanished into the refrigerator.

"And sitting here watching you cook is helping me how?"

Dimitri threw him an apron, "It's not. C'mon."

For the next two hours, the two of them slaved away cooking, cleaning, and setting up place mats for when Rose and Lissa arrived. Christian was about ready to drop dead. He slumped down onto one of the cushy dining table chairs and spread out his aching limbs. He was a great cook, no doubt, but he couldn't work for hours at a time, most of his meals took around forty-five minutes at most. Dimitri, on the other hand, just rolled his eyes at the moroi. Cooking was easy and he didn't understand why Christian was so tired. Dimitri hadn't even broken a sweat.

Christian stretched, his body fatigued, "So, why did you make me cook?"

Dimitri took a swig out of his water bottle, "Because to please a woman, you have to know what they like. Women like when their men cook for them." He took another sip.

Letting out a grunt of annoyance, Christian said, "I cook for Lissa all the time! So far your advice has been nothing but bullshit. When are you going to teach me how to use handcuffs?"

Dimitri spat out his water, coughing. For a few minutes, all he could do was cough before he muttered, "I don't use handcuffs on Rose," He let out another cough, "Please don't ask me that again."

Christian grumbled, "Sure you don't."

Not long after, Rose and Lissa came back from a meeting for the Winter Ball and they all sat down at the table.

"Wow, everything looks delicious, Dimitri!" said Lissa. The table was covered with all sorts of food. Spaghetti. Pork chops. Blini. Fresh salad. Steamed vegetables. Fruit salad. Even chocolate donuts that Dimitri ran out to get from Rose's favorite bakery near their apartment.

"It wasn't me. You have Christian to thank," Dimitri said with a grin, "I tried to help him, but he told me that today was his day to make dinner. I just gave him the recipe for the blini."

"Wha-…?" Christian sputtered and Dimitri's elbow slammed into his stomach under the table, "I-I mean, yeah it was no big deal."

"Oh, Christian! How sweet of you!" Lissa gushed, leaning over the table to plant a kiss on his lips, "You're the sweetest." Christian graciously accepted the kiss and glanced at Dimitri smirking at him.

Rose, on the other hand, looked suspicious, "Yeah… Sweet. So, did you get the doughnuts too, Christian?" She eyed him suspiciously from across the table. Christian felt his face get hot.

Dimitri intervened, "I got them, Roza. Since you've been so busy I decided to surprise you while Christian cooked dinner." She glanced at her boyfriend before grumbling to herself and slumping in her chair.

Dinner ended on a good note and Lissa and Christian left the apartment.

Dimitri was in their bedroom while Rose was in the shower. He pulled his shirt off and hopped into bed, grabbing his Western from the bedside table.

"Did Christian really cook dinner?"

Dimitri glanced up from the captivating words to look at his even more captivating woman standing over him. She wore nothing but a soft silk nightgown and one its straps had fallen from one shoulder. She pushed it back up.

"Would it matter if he did or not?" Dimitri put his book down and pulled Rose onto his lap.

She snuggled into his arms and sighed, "I guess not," She nuzzled her head in his chest, "I love you." Dimitri began to run circles across her soft skin, slowly peeling off the sensitive fabric, "Mmm not tonight, Dimitri. I'm tired. I'm sorry."

He chuckled, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Roza." Dimitri learned a long time ago, that sometimes to please a woman you had to put aside your own desires and specifically not please her, for your own benefit in the long run. He turned them both over onto their sides and fell asleep.

 **Yay! I got this done! I know these are short, but it's easier for me to post three or four short chapters than one longer one. It's the same amount of writing, but just stretched out.**

 **So, I also know that I haven't done any Christian/Lissa scenes yet either but don't worry! They will come! I pinky promise!**

 **So, how was everyone's day? Everything good? Did you ace a test?** **Did you find out you're secretly a dragon? Did anything positive happen in your life that you wanna share? You can tell me!**

 **Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! (I might post more…)**

 **-Holly**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4**

 **Hey guys! My midterms are finally done! Yay! I didn't do as hot on them as I'd have wanted, but I know I'll do better next time… But, now I have time to update my story! I hope you're all enjoying it!**

 **Onto to the chapter! (I don't own Vampire Academy… *sobbing*)**

"So, tell me, what stupid romance move are you going to show me today?"

Dimitri cast a sideways glance at the moroi, "And, did you or did you not have fun with Vasilisa last night after dinner?"

"We made out, but nothing sexy happened because she needed to be up early yesterday," The two were making their way through the shopping district near the southern part of Court. Christian decided that he was going to find Lissa the perfect necklace for the Winter Ball. Since Lissa didn't have nearly enough hours in the day to find a gown, let alone any accessories. So Christian, being the loving and sexually deprived boyfriend he is, decided to go out, in the middle of winter, to find her a necklace.

Dimitri scrunched his forehead, "You two just need to plan a weekend to yourselves. There's no need to go out of your way to get something as simple as a necklace. Why drag me into this again?"

"Because… You and Rose have mind-blowing sex," A woman with a young boy scowled at Christian, but he didn't seem to notice, "…and I want something like that too." Dimitri nodded in apology at the young woman. She huffed, placing her hands over the boy's ears, and ushered him off down to another booth.

"Chris, please don't say that out loud. It's bad enough that you know. I don't want all of Court to know it as well." Christian muttered under his breath and stopped at one of the booths on the corner of the street, right near a bustling café where you could smell coffee and fresh bread wafting through the streets. Dimitri's stomach growled.

Christian laughed at Dimitri's red face, "Go on, I'll be fine here by myself for ten minutes."

Dimitri gave him a small smile and quickly passed through the doorway into the coffee shop. He imagined how much Rose would love this place. The soft lights highlighted the wooden decorations. Plush floor rugs covered the slippery hardwood floors. A strange smell of peppermint mixed in with the smell of coffee.

A jolly man at the counter welcomed Dimitri in. His nose was as red as fresh cherries and deep brown eyes lit up as Dimitri came closer to order his coffee.

Dimitri rubbed his chilled hands together, "Could I please get a small coffee and a roll, please? To go, if you can. I have to get back to my moroi."

Booming laughter escaped the man's lips, "O' course, o' course! Please sit down while I get ye' your steaming cup o' joe." Dimitri thanked him and sat down on the rickety stool, freezing as the stool moaned in discomfort.

A few minutes later, the man came back with a hot coffee in a small Styrofoam cup, "Here you go, young man." He handed Dimitri his coffee and a warm, doughy bread roll. As Dimitri dug into his pockets to pay, he man shook his head, "It's on the house. Any man willin' to risk his life for others don't need to hassle with payin' in my shop, Guardian Belikov."

Dimitri gave the man a warm smile, "I try my best. Thank you for the meal, but the next time I stop by I'm paying."

Christian was waiting outside when Dimitri left the shop, "Finally! C'mon Belikov, I've got a necklace to find."

They walked around for the next hour before Dimitri pulled him aside. The snow was beginning to chill their bones from constantly walking around the venders. When Christian's teeth began to chatter, Dimitri decided that they needed to stop for the day, "You'll find it tomorrow."

At the palace steps, Dimitri motioned for Christian to get inside. They sat across from each other from to adjacent armchairs by one of the palace's many fire places. Any wet snow-covered clothes hung up near the doorway. The fire was the only source of light, and heat.

"So," Dimitri said, "I've decided what you should do for Lissa tonight."

Christian blinked. He thought that the dhampir was done giving advice, not that it was any good. He thought that he would have to beg Dimitri to give up his love life secrets, but no, the man was willingly going to give him advice. Christian sat up straighter in his seat, "Yes, go on."

Dimitri smirked at him, "I can see you're eager." He stood up from his warm armchair to take a seat closer to Christian, "Compliment her."

"I do," Christian crossed his arms, "Thanks for the advice."

"Maybe you do once in a while, but I'm thinking at least five times a day. Something small like, 'Your hair looks nice' or, more simply, 'You're beautiful,' but you have to mean it. I thought about it when I went into the coffee shop and how nice the owner was, how special he made me feel to be a Guardian."

"Wow, that's kind of girly and Belikov's B&B moves aren't exactly what I'd hope they'd be." Christian said.

"My 'B and B' moves?"

"Boobs and Booty moves. That's what I've dubbed this 'advice' you've been giving me. B&B so that Rose and Lissa don't catch on. It makes it seem like it's a bed and breakfast." Christian's fingers laced behind his head.

Dimitri's head was spinning, "Oh god, Chris," He _was_ doomed, "You can't just say shit like that! If anyone finds out that I've been neglecting duties to help you with this B &B shit, then Hans is going to kill me and no one would take me seriously! My reputation relies on my diligence and ability to protect people… Not to teach you _that_."

"Well, I guess you better start using the code words, Belikov. Don't want Rose to find out about all this, let alone anyone else. I'll try out your compliment trick and update you tomorrow." Christian winked at him, "If you start upping the advice, then this will be over so much sooner."

 **Okay so next chapter you'll get to see more of Christian and Lissa on their own! Christian has to try out this "compliment" thing that Dimitri told him to do…**

 **But, I hoped you liked it! Wrote it just now since I haven't updated since before midterms.**

 **Hope you all had a great weekend!**

 **-Holly**


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